My mother has been gravely ill for well over a month. She's been in, then out, then in, back out, and now back IN the hospital. Mom's partner informed me today that Mom is so weak she can't even speak on the phone. My sense is that this is either The End, or The Beginning of the End. Even if she makes it home again, she will still be in horrific pain and in need of several other surgeries, including hip replacement, and such.
At the moment, she's slated for exploratory surgery to determine the source or cause of the intestinal blockage. A colonoscopy didn't work - they couldn't get to the problem area. I know that Mom is scared, in a lot of pain, and wondering what will happen. I'm feeling all those things, too.
My mother and I have a history that is filled with dysfunction early in my life. She was a cruel drunk, physically and mentally abusive, and actually paid me not to show my face when she was home. Still, I've forgiven her. Gone are the days when I used to be filled with blinding rage at all she'd done. I gave ~myself~ the gift of forgiving my Mom. She and I now have a good relationship, and I love her (and know that she loves me). Her drinking days are over, thank goodness - that helps a lot.
I am now in the process of thinking of creative ways to raise the funds to buy a plane ticket to Houston (from Seattle). Probably best to buy a one-way, and then wait and see what happens before I schedule another one-way back to Seattle. Any way you slice it, this will be expensive.
I have two gold rings, one from my mother, and another small engagement ring I got years ago, both of which I'm trying to sell. I'm meeting with a local vendor this week to discuss this option. I'm also looking at my clothing and silver jewelry, wondering what might sell for a few bucks on CraigsList or eBay.
A friend suggested that I also consider putting up a blog page that allows readers to donate, even tiny amounts. I thought about it, and decided, "Why not?" If people want to make a love offering of even $1.00, it will get me that much closer to a plane ticket.
If you have a few dollars to give, bless you. If you don't have a few dollars to give, bless you as well. My heartfelt thanks to everyone who's been so kind and compassionate as I deal with this heartbreaking situation.
_/|\_ Namasté
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My heartfelt wishes for peace for you and your mom Dragonheartsong. I'm so sorry for both your trials. Life seems to be one trial after another and don't we all just crave peace and goodwill? Have you thought about a train? I know it isn't as fast or convenient but you could relax and think on the way down. There are also rail passes that allow you to use them over time with so many intermediary stops. I know I never have the bucks to travel anymore. Blessed be.
ReplyDeleteSusan, thanks so much for your kind comments above. For reasons beyond my comprehension, Mom is pushing me away at this point, and has begged me NOT to come. She'll be transferring to a Hospice facility, and focus on having some dignity and adequate pain-management at the end of her life.
ReplyDeleteI can respect her decision not to end up tied to endless machines and having all of her dignity stripped away. I just don't understand why she's pushing me away. I'm her only (blood) family. Her parents are gone, and I'm her only child. My kids couldn't care less about their grandmother, since she refused to participate in their childhood.
I forgave my Mom years ago - I cannot understand what she's so fearful about. But, if I am to be the person I claim to be, I must respect Mom's wishes regarding her end of (this) life, and trust in my faith.